A person with an attitude of entitlement believes that they are owed (entitled) something and should get what they want because of who they are, not because of performance. Where feelings of entitlement begin, personal responsibility departs. The entitlement attitude kills businesses, organizations and relationships by lowering productivity, destroying motivation, and undermining self-esteem.

When you have feelings of entitlement, your focus turns to what you are owed rather than what you can give. These feelings of entitlement can become attitudes of entitlement. Your attitude ultimately determines your destiny. If you lead a life with an entitlement attitude and you don’t get what you feel you are entitled to, you will be bitter and resentful. You could possibly spend your entire life feeling at though you are being ripped-off or cheated.

It is human nature to feel entitled. When I hold the door open for someone, it’s easy think they owe me a “thank you” and end up disappointed if I don’t get one. When I do something nice for my girlfriend (ahem, fiancée), I feel I’m entitled to her lifelong appreciation for what a cool guy I am. At the same time, she is thinking, “I’m such a good fiancée; it must be a real privilege for Matt to get to do this for me. Heck, I’m responsible for most of the joy in his life. I’m entitled to his lifelong appreciation for what a cool gal I am.” It is not easy to recognize and harder to admit to feelings of entitlement. Acknowledgement of these feelings before the become attitudes is crucial. Feelings of entitlement are apparent in examples such as these: 

“I’m a good person, life owes me a break.”

“I helped them out, they should help me out.”

“I’m an American, the government owes me something.”

“I’m a college graduate, so I deserve a high-paying job.”

“I’ve been good to my friends, so they owe me their loyalty.”

Even though I feel we are entitled nothing, it is your right (and responsibility) to pursue what you want. You are not owed a thank you for opening a door, but it is perfectly OK to want one. You are not owed love, but it is OK to pursue it. Just because you have a diploma does not mean you are entitled to a high-paying job, but you should try to get one. When you receive a thank you, love, or a high-paying job, it is a gift.

If you focus on what you feel you are entitled to, your life will be frustrating and painful. If you focus on your responsibilities and what you can do for others, your life will be successful. Acknowledge that the world doesn’t owe you, you owe the world.